This blog has moved to www.karimahdillard.com
Happy Trails!!!!
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
More Great News!!!!!!
I was chosen as the North American Drama Therapy Association's April Member Spotlight. Check it out at www.nadta.org
AND
I was nominated to be on the board of the North American Drama Therapy Association!!!!!
WOW!!!! Life is moving really fast right now...
AND
I was nominated to be on the board of the North American Drama Therapy Association!!!!!
WOW!!!! Life is moving really fast right now...
GREAT NEWS!!!
I was accepted into Lesley University's PhD Program for Expressive Therapy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Playfulness Project - And yet, no clue what day it is - THE Code Drill
Today, I was able to perform!!!!!! I mean, really perform!!!! I was so excited to have had the opportunity. My program manager sent an email to me and one other of my co-workers asking us to be a part of a "Code drill". It was a clandestine effort and we were not to let anybody else in on it. The plan was to call a Code Armstrong (staff member in danger) and a Code 7 (patient elopement) at virtually the same time!!! It was exhillerating! I felt like Kevin Hart when he describes the day his mom gave him permission to curse his teacher out.
"It's about to go down".
All day, I waited for 7 o clock to arrive. I looked at my phone every couple of minutes - brimming with the excitement that only comes pre-performance.
Here was the plan:
My program manger was to call me on my cell phone, which would activate the entire drill. I was then to call my co-worker, Brian, who would then tell his expressive therapist, Caroline, to go and get his rock climbing harness from his car. As soon as I saw Caroline, I was then to gather my children up who were outside on the playground, send Charlie* to do an individual session with my intern and then tell Caroline that Brian just called and said she needed to call a Code Armstrong immediately! A couple of minutes later I was to "notice" that one of my children (the child I sent to do an individual session with my intern) was missing and I was to find someone to call a Code 7.
Here is what actually happened:
Brian called me first. He was so excited, he could barely stand it. While he is on the phone with me, my program manager, Meg, called. The plan was now activated. I saw Caroline walk out to get Brian's rock climbing harness from his car, I had my children line up to go inside from the playground, I sent Charlie in to do an individual with my intern and had them enter through the adult program door. As soon as Caroline approached. phone in hand, I said, "Brian is on the phone. A fight broke out in the gym. We need you to call a Code Armstrong immediately!". Her face went flush. She handed the code calling off to the program nurse and said, "I need you to call a Code Armstrong to the gym". But the nurse heard, "I need you to come with me to the gym". So the code Armstrong was never actually called, but of course staff raced to the gym. A few minutes later I am running down the hall looking for someone to call a Code 7. I can't find anyone because everyone ran to the gym to help with the Armstrong. So, I give my patients to my dear colleague, Tiffani, and call the code myself. I then leave the floor and run outside "looking for" my eloped patient. Meanwhile, a real fight breaks out in one of the group rooms. Somebody goes to help poor Jennifer witht the two real life aggressive boys, Caroline comes running back to help me find Charlie, and then I see every MHT they have on inpatient staff filing out to help. So, I let Caroline off the hook, told her it was just a drill and everybody went back to business as usual. But now Caroline is upset! She thought that we were all playing a trick on her. Meanwhile, poor Charlie is in his individual session with my intern, and hears the Code 7 with a near perfect description of him, and he says, "That sounds like me. Don't I have on black pants? I have on black shoes with blue shoestrings and a black and grey striped shirt" and then the person announcing the code said that the child was 7. So, Charlie says, "Oh that's not me. I am 8".
Hillarious!!!! Another great day at the WB!
We had a debreifing afterwards with senior administration and security. They said the code was necessary to help us identify holes in our processes, and yes, there are holes. But overall we did well. They were impressed with our staff, but more importantly, they were impressed with my description of the days events and more than that, they were impressed with my acting chops (it was my committment to the role they said). Because clearly that is what is important here! They want to use me to stage more drills. How funny is that?!!!!
*patient name was changed to protect confidentiality.
"It's about to go down".
All day, I waited for 7 o clock to arrive. I looked at my phone every couple of minutes - brimming with the excitement that only comes pre-performance.
Here was the plan:
My program manger was to call me on my cell phone, which would activate the entire drill. I was then to call my co-worker, Brian, who would then tell his expressive therapist, Caroline, to go and get his rock climbing harness from his car. As soon as I saw Caroline, I was then to gather my children up who were outside on the playground, send Charlie* to do an individual session with my intern and then tell Caroline that Brian just called and said she needed to call a Code Armstrong immediately! A couple of minutes later I was to "notice" that one of my children (the child I sent to do an individual session with my intern) was missing and I was to find someone to call a Code 7.
Here is what actually happened:
Brian called me first. He was so excited, he could barely stand it. While he is on the phone with me, my program manager, Meg, called. The plan was now activated. I saw Caroline walk out to get Brian's rock climbing harness from his car, I had my children line up to go inside from the playground, I sent Charlie in to do an individual with my intern and had them enter through the adult program door. As soon as Caroline approached. phone in hand, I said, "Brian is on the phone. A fight broke out in the gym. We need you to call a Code Armstrong immediately!". Her face went flush. She handed the code calling off to the program nurse and said, "I need you to call a Code Armstrong to the gym". But the nurse heard, "I need you to come with me to the gym". So the code Armstrong was never actually called, but of course staff raced to the gym. A few minutes later I am running down the hall looking for someone to call a Code 7. I can't find anyone because everyone ran to the gym to help with the Armstrong. So, I give my patients to my dear colleague, Tiffani, and call the code myself. I then leave the floor and run outside "looking for" my eloped patient. Meanwhile, a real fight breaks out in one of the group rooms. Somebody goes to help poor Jennifer witht the two real life aggressive boys, Caroline comes running back to help me find Charlie, and then I see every MHT they have on inpatient staff filing out to help. So, I let Caroline off the hook, told her it was just a drill and everybody went back to business as usual. But now Caroline is upset! She thought that we were all playing a trick on her. Meanwhile, poor Charlie is in his individual session with my intern, and hears the Code 7 with a near perfect description of him, and he says, "That sounds like me. Don't I have on black pants? I have on black shoes with blue shoestrings and a black and grey striped shirt" and then the person announcing the code said that the child was 7. So, Charlie says, "Oh that's not me. I am 8".
Hillarious!!!! Another great day at the WB!
We had a debreifing afterwards with senior administration and security. They said the code was necessary to help us identify holes in our processes, and yes, there are holes. But overall we did well. They were impressed with our staff, but more importantly, they were impressed with my description of the days events and more than that, they were impressed with my acting chops (it was my committment to the role they said). Because clearly that is what is important here! They want to use me to stage more drills. How funny is that?!!!!
*patient name was changed to protect confidentiality.
Playfulness Project - Another day - The Turtle, Swan and Boy
Several weeks ago, I had a dream that I was swimming bare breasted in a river with a boy child swimming before me. It was a powerful - very maternal feeling - I knew that I was responsible for this life. I knew that I had a strong position in my community. As we swam through the river, we bore witness to a beautiful Swan, ripping a turtle from its shell. The ripping was very aggressive -yet very necessary. I could hear and feel the ripping as it was difficult, but the swan had to eat. The turtle was a sacrifice to the swan. It was as if the turtle knew it was bound to happen and although painful, it was its destiny to be ripped and torn a part. My boy child was mesmerized and very curious and adventurous and I intuitively knew that it too wanted to rip a turtle from its shell. So, I decided that I would allow it,and was content to let him do it. But when the opportunity arose, I changed my mind and decided that it was too dangerous and that it was my job to protect him. I told him no.
That dream has stayed with me everyday since. And I have asked myself, what part of me is the turtle, what part of me is the swan and what part of me is the boy - the puer spirit? What part am I withholding from the world, and what part am I seeking to devour? And what part of me is saying no - being protective and maternal? What part of me is afraid, and what part of me knows what I need to do to survive.
I imagine having a conversation with one character in the dream and I think I would like to talk to the swan, but I want to talk to the swan from the voice of the child:
Child: Swan, oh beautiful and majestic swan. What power you hold in your hands. You have the power of life and death.
Swan: It is what I must do. It is painful. This tearing and ripping apart. But I must do it in order to survive. I don't enjoy it. It actually pains me to do it, but I have no other choice.
Child: But you do it so efficiently and effortlessly. But you don't enjoy it. Why did you choose the turtle?
Swan: Because of its meat. It has a lot of meat which means it will keep me satisfied for longer periods of time. And because it has so much meat, I can share it with my family and still keep some for myself. Why, boy, are you so fascinated with me?
Child: Because I want to be strong and powerful like you. I want to be able to rip a turtle from its shell in a single tear. I want to eat turtle meat. I hear it is tasty.
Swan: But I wish I did not have to do it you see. I wish I were able to live off of air and sun. I don't enjoy the kill like most hunters do. But I have to eat.
Child: What would happen if you did not kill the turtle?
Swan: I would starve.
Child: What would happen if you starved?
Swan: I would die
Child: What would happen if you died?
Swan: Someone would eat me.
Child: So, you eat the turtle so that no one will eat you.
Swan: I guess so. What would happen if you never get to rip open a turtle?
Child: I would never have the experience of ripping open a turtle.
Swan: Why does your mother keep you from it?
Child: She is afraid the turtle may be too strong for me and that in the midst of me ripping it apart, it will turn on me and do me harm. So, my mother shields me to keep me safe from harm.
Swan: But when the turtle no longer has its shell, it is vulnerable. It can't hide inside of its shell any longer. It is there for all the world to see. That is a scary place for the turtle to be. Instead of lashing out, don't you think it would be panicking?
Child: Perhaps. But animals have the fight or flight instinct, right? There would be nowhere for him to flee, so why wouldn't he fight?
Swan: But what would he be fighting for. He can't win.
Child: Can't he? Hasn't he already won? He is fulfilling his destiny by allowing himself to be devoured. That is what he came here for. There is nothing left for him to do but surrender.
WOW!
What I got from that is my work - me being an Expressive Therapist - is the turtle. And I have not really come out in any big way. I have played it small for the most part. Not making many waves. And now, I am being discovered, and my shell is being ripped from me and all I need now to do is walk in my destiny. The swan represents the people and institutions that are starting to recognize what I am doing and want me to do more of it. They are ready to bite. The boy is the part of me that is ready - adventurous - excited - curious. The mother is me. The part of me that initially says, "YES!" but is ultimately too afraid that it will all fail or that I will be consumed by it all.
AMAZING! the power of drama therapy. Storying my dream. This is what I want to spend my life doing. Using dreams to unlock mystery, but doing it in an expressive way. I am thrilled!!!! Thrilled!!!! Thrilled! (says the boy). :)
That dream has stayed with me everyday since. And I have asked myself, what part of me is the turtle, what part of me is the swan and what part of me is the boy - the puer spirit? What part am I withholding from the world, and what part am I seeking to devour? And what part of me is saying no - being protective and maternal? What part of me is afraid, and what part of me knows what I need to do to survive.
I imagine having a conversation with one character in the dream and I think I would like to talk to the swan, but I want to talk to the swan from the voice of the child:
Child: Swan, oh beautiful and majestic swan. What power you hold in your hands. You have the power of life and death.
Swan: It is what I must do. It is painful. This tearing and ripping apart. But I must do it in order to survive. I don't enjoy it. It actually pains me to do it, but I have no other choice.
Child: But you do it so efficiently and effortlessly. But you don't enjoy it. Why did you choose the turtle?
Swan: Because of its meat. It has a lot of meat which means it will keep me satisfied for longer periods of time. And because it has so much meat, I can share it with my family and still keep some for myself. Why, boy, are you so fascinated with me?
Child: Because I want to be strong and powerful like you. I want to be able to rip a turtle from its shell in a single tear. I want to eat turtle meat. I hear it is tasty.
Swan: But I wish I did not have to do it you see. I wish I were able to live off of air and sun. I don't enjoy the kill like most hunters do. But I have to eat.
Child: What would happen if you did not kill the turtle?
Swan: I would starve.
Child: What would happen if you starved?
Swan: I would die
Child: What would happen if you died?
Swan: Someone would eat me.
Child: So, you eat the turtle so that no one will eat you.
Swan: I guess so. What would happen if you never get to rip open a turtle?
Child: I would never have the experience of ripping open a turtle.
Swan: Why does your mother keep you from it?
Child: She is afraid the turtle may be too strong for me and that in the midst of me ripping it apart, it will turn on me and do me harm. So, my mother shields me to keep me safe from harm.
Swan: But when the turtle no longer has its shell, it is vulnerable. It can't hide inside of its shell any longer. It is there for all the world to see. That is a scary place for the turtle to be. Instead of lashing out, don't you think it would be panicking?
Child: Perhaps. But animals have the fight or flight instinct, right? There would be nowhere for him to flee, so why wouldn't he fight?
Swan: But what would he be fighting for. He can't win.
Child: Can't he? Hasn't he already won? He is fulfilling his destiny by allowing himself to be devoured. That is what he came here for. There is nothing left for him to do but surrender.
WOW!
What I got from that is my work - me being an Expressive Therapist - is the turtle. And I have not really come out in any big way. I have played it small for the most part. Not making many waves. And now, I am being discovered, and my shell is being ripped from me and all I need now to do is walk in my destiny. The swan represents the people and institutions that are starting to recognize what I am doing and want me to do more of it. They are ready to bite. The boy is the part of me that is ready - adventurous - excited - curious. The mother is me. The part of me that initially says, "YES!" but is ultimately too afraid that it will all fail or that I will be consumed by it all.
AMAZING! the power of drama therapy. Storying my dream. This is what I want to spend my life doing. Using dreams to unlock mystery, but doing it in an expressive way. I am thrilled!!!! Thrilled!!!! Thrilled! (says the boy). :)
Playfulness Project - Unsure of the day!!!!! - Sacrifice and Surrender
So much has transpired between the last recorded day and now... So much Movement - shifts in the earth's atmosphere and I am there moving with the air - shapeshifting as the moment calls - balancing in the wind.
Day 9 last week, I got a call from our NADTA's President Elect, Nadya Trytan, who literally said to me,"Congratulations"! Much to my surprise, she said that I had been nominated by several people on the board to be the Chair of the Government Affairs Committee. She "vetted" me yesterday morning, and gave me an idea of what it would look like if I were chair of the Government Affairs Committee and by extension a member of the Board of Directors. It is quite a daunting task. I looked at it objectively - along with every other good thing I do in the name of Expressive Therapy, and I kept hearing Wayne Dyer's voice in my head saying, "an idea whose time has come". Everything that I have worked so hard for - in the way of increasing the visibility of and advocating for the field, my work, trainings and workshops and sitting in front of legislators... Being nominated to the board seems to be a step in the right direction. I could not see myself saying no.
So, I talked to various people I know who are doing the things they want to do. And every one of them is doing what they choose to do because they have someone supporting them financially - either a parent or a husband, or maybe they have a roomate, or live off of disability. I don't have that "luxury" (I am not saying by any means that being on disability or even having a roomate is a luxury - there is a lot of sacrifice involved). I looked around at the space where I live, and I LOVE my space!!!! I love every inch of it - everything about it - I mostly love that it is mine. And unless my cat, Sebastian, decides to get creative and move something, everything is exactly where I left it when I come home at night. I asked myself if I would be willing to give up my space for what I want. And I finally concluded that I would. I would give up the luxury of having my own space - sacrifice this space I love - in order to go to school, to do my ArtReach work, to be Chair of the Government Affairs Committee, to teach drama therapy. I would surrender living alone, having my stuff in storage, and be relegated to a room if that is what it took. I would surrender it all if I knew that at the end of the day I could look back and say "this is what I got in return". This would be my PhD, a teaching position at a University, board membership, etc.
I would surrender it all.
Day 9 last week, I got a call from our NADTA's President Elect, Nadya Trytan, who literally said to me,"Congratulations"! Much to my surprise, she said that I had been nominated by several people on the board to be the Chair of the Government Affairs Committee. She "vetted" me yesterday morning, and gave me an idea of what it would look like if I were chair of the Government Affairs Committee and by extension a member of the Board of Directors. It is quite a daunting task. I looked at it objectively - along with every other good thing I do in the name of Expressive Therapy, and I kept hearing Wayne Dyer's voice in my head saying, "an idea whose time has come". Everything that I have worked so hard for - in the way of increasing the visibility of and advocating for the field, my work, trainings and workshops and sitting in front of legislators... Being nominated to the board seems to be a step in the right direction. I could not see myself saying no.
So, I talked to various people I know who are doing the things they want to do. And every one of them is doing what they choose to do because they have someone supporting them financially - either a parent or a husband, or maybe they have a roomate, or live off of disability. I don't have that "luxury" (I am not saying by any means that being on disability or even having a roomate is a luxury - there is a lot of sacrifice involved). I looked around at the space where I live, and I LOVE my space!!!! I love every inch of it - everything about it - I mostly love that it is mine. And unless my cat, Sebastian, decides to get creative and move something, everything is exactly where I left it when I come home at night. I asked myself if I would be willing to give up my space for what I want. And I finally concluded that I would. I would give up the luxury of having my own space - sacrifice this space I love - in order to go to school, to do my ArtReach work, to be Chair of the Government Affairs Committee, to teach drama therapy. I would surrender living alone, having my stuff in storage, and be relegated to a room if that is what it took. I would surrender it all if I knew that at the end of the day I could look back and say "this is what I got in return". This would be my PhD, a teaching position at a University, board membership, etc.
I would surrender it all.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Playfulness Project - Day 8 - Passion Play
It is my belief that when you are truly passionate about something - no matter what it is - that if people feel your passion, they will buy in to whatever it is you are "selling". It is the passion that becomes the linkage between the thing and the person. Passion is the currency.
It is with passion that I presented before Douglas County Middle School Counselors on Day 8. I had not planned anything and I only had 25 minutes. So, I reached in my closet, grabbed my bag o tricks and set sail on my journey to Chestnut Log Middle School, which I later learned was on the news that night after a call to the Sheriff's department was intercepted by a local news agency (they were having a "slow day"). It was reported on the 11 o clock news that the Sheriff's department was dispatched to Chestnut Log Middle School - no details were given. Yesterday, I learned the details: A 14 year old girl brought a piece of broken glass to school and threatened to kill the Assistant Principal who happens to be the husband of a friend of mine. Meanwhile, all the would be helpers were with Me!!! We were playing and completely oblivious that there was a world outside of the double doors.
I first asked them what some of the hot topics were and they chimed in quickly with
"social media!"
"girls thinking that oral sex is not really sex"
"trending homosexuality - and then the other kids' response to it"
"Emo culture"
and of course
"bullying"
So, I taught them how to breathe. Nothing can proceed without the breath. For many of them it was their first lesson in diaphragm breathing. They had never before taken a breath that did not include raising their shoulders. Many felt the breath actually move through their bodies for the first time. While breathing we stretched and interestingly enough the stretching seemed to become quite sexualized. Naturally lots of laughter ensued... it was the joining in - matching their students' sexualization. I made light of it and said, "Y'all have been around kids too long". It was like setting the re-set button. They laughed heartily, and then returned back to the body. Laughter is always good, and I try to get participants laughing quickly, because it releases inhibitions, endorphins and sets the stage for what is to come.
We then did a little scribble drawing. Scribble drawing has become one of my favorite exercises as of late. In my ever so humble opinion, scribble drawing is, at its essence, about transformation. It is about holding on and letting go, it is about imagination, allowance, turning lemons into lemonade. Turning someone's trash into a treasure. It is also, in some ways, the artistic version of the game "Telephone" because what you send out is never what you get back. It is about vulnerability and shame. Hope. It is a gift when it is returned to you. Completely transformed. One of the participants said that it made her quite uncomfortable. I told her to "play with that". :) Explore what makes you feel uncomfortable. I always find it so interesting when people leave a therapeutic experience feeling uncomfortable. You are supposed to feel uncomfortable! (If you are working)
It is like getting a cut on your hand and then walking into the salt water of the beautiful ocean. It stings because it is healing.
After we scribbled and processed, I brought us back to some of our hot topics and surmised that it might be safe to say that "Identity" seems to encapsulate a lot of the angst that the children are experiencing. So, we did a human sculpt of identity.
They loved it!
By the end of the presentation they swarmed around me like a hive of honeybees. I really felt like the Phenomenal Woman that Maya Angelou speaks about in her poem of the same name.
A couple of them were charting my career course, trying to figure out how I can certify counselors in expressive therapy. I have no idea if that is even possible! They all want me at their respective Career Days - I have literally gotten like five invitations in the last two days. And one of them wants me to teach her counseling class at Clark Atlanta University.
Yes, Passion Play! It was a wonderful day!
It is with passion that I presented before Douglas County Middle School Counselors on Day 8. I had not planned anything and I only had 25 minutes. So, I reached in my closet, grabbed my bag o tricks and set sail on my journey to Chestnut Log Middle School, which I later learned was on the news that night after a call to the Sheriff's department was intercepted by a local news agency (they were having a "slow day"). It was reported on the 11 o clock news that the Sheriff's department was dispatched to Chestnut Log Middle School - no details were given. Yesterday, I learned the details: A 14 year old girl brought a piece of broken glass to school and threatened to kill the Assistant Principal who happens to be the husband of a friend of mine. Meanwhile, all the would be helpers were with Me!!! We were playing and completely oblivious that there was a world outside of the double doors.
I first asked them what some of the hot topics were and they chimed in quickly with
"social media!"
"girls thinking that oral sex is not really sex"
"trending homosexuality - and then the other kids' response to it"
"Emo culture"
and of course
"bullying"
So, I taught them how to breathe. Nothing can proceed without the breath. For many of them it was their first lesson in diaphragm breathing. They had never before taken a breath that did not include raising their shoulders. Many felt the breath actually move through their bodies for the first time. While breathing we stretched and interestingly enough the stretching seemed to become quite sexualized. Naturally lots of laughter ensued... it was the joining in - matching their students' sexualization. I made light of it and said, "Y'all have been around kids too long". It was like setting the re-set button. They laughed heartily, and then returned back to the body. Laughter is always good, and I try to get participants laughing quickly, because it releases inhibitions, endorphins and sets the stage for what is to come.
We then did a little scribble drawing. Scribble drawing has become one of my favorite exercises as of late. In my ever so humble opinion, scribble drawing is, at its essence, about transformation. It is about holding on and letting go, it is about imagination, allowance, turning lemons into lemonade. Turning someone's trash into a treasure. It is also, in some ways, the artistic version of the game "Telephone" because what you send out is never what you get back. It is about vulnerability and shame. Hope. It is a gift when it is returned to you. Completely transformed. One of the participants said that it made her quite uncomfortable. I told her to "play with that". :) Explore what makes you feel uncomfortable. I always find it so interesting when people leave a therapeutic experience feeling uncomfortable. You are supposed to feel uncomfortable! (If you are working)
It is like getting a cut on your hand and then walking into the salt water of the beautiful ocean. It stings because it is healing.
After we scribbled and processed, I brought us back to some of our hot topics and surmised that it might be safe to say that "Identity" seems to encapsulate a lot of the angst that the children are experiencing. So, we did a human sculpt of identity.
They loved it!
By the end of the presentation they swarmed around me like a hive of honeybees. I really felt like the Phenomenal Woman that Maya Angelou speaks about in her poem of the same name.
A couple of them were charting my career course, trying to figure out how I can certify counselors in expressive therapy. I have no idea if that is even possible! They all want me at their respective Career Days - I have literally gotten like five invitations in the last two days. And one of them wants me to teach her counseling class at Clark Atlanta University.
Yes, Passion Play! It was a wonderful day!
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