I drove myself to work this morning, languishing over the work week that was just getting underway. It was Monday. I was tired. I did not want to be a therapist today, and, yet my patients demanded it of me. When I am exhausted this way, I tend to step into observation mode and simply take note of my environment - how my patients engage one another and what naturally emerges from the primal sludge of individuals coming together as a group.
Initially they colored, teased each other, talked a bit about their weekends. I asked them to draw what their weekend looked like, and they did. It seemed that they all had pretty good weekends (which is highly unusual). They finished one at a time and each one of them asked for an extra sheet of paper. Instead of drawing on the paper, they made things. A bat. A telescope. A sword. A gun. Soon, they spontaneously erupted into a drama where they became combat soldiers. I was mystified by this incredibly organic process. As I watched this play unfold, I had a flash of insight. I wanted to find a way to organically morph into a presentation of their pictures as well as to discuss their new weekly goals.
So, I took on the role of the Queen, during which time I knighted a few of them and bestowed wands and shields. The Queen informed them that they would need to prove their loyalty to the throne by presenting her with something they made (after of course they surrendered their weapons). They had the bright idea to present her with the pictures they drew (Perfect!).
Between bows, a courtesy and a knee or two, the Queen received lovely pictures of gardens, lakes, homes, families, and a roller coaster. After receiving their gifts, the Queen received word from her most trusted subject that the Kingdom was soon to be under siege. The Queen entrusted this newly formed royal guard with the task of protecting the throne. The Queen herself, however, had a direct line to the General of the opposing side who told her in confidence that they planned to use very sophisticated weaponry. Instead of using tanks, guns and missiles, they would find out the one thing that each soldier loved the most. In order to be well informed, the Queen herself had to know ahead of time in order to put up a proper defense (of course).
My mom.
My heart.
My dog.
My family.
In preparation for battle, each soldier shared with the Queen a time in the past when they'd been brave (ego strength!). After each had shared, it was time to go to war.
They fought gallantly - even took down a few of the enemies' (imaginary) soldiers. After the first two soldiers had been downed, the Queen received a call from the General. The General said that there was a soldier in the ranks whose mother was preparing to go to court this week and he understood him to be very nervous. Innocently, my patient, we will call him "Harry", whose mom has to go to court this week identified that he too had the same condition.
Well, naturally the General asked to speak to the soldier on the phone. On the phone with the General who, by the way, was not represented by any human form, Harry identified that his mom had to go to court because "I just keep lying and keep lying". Just then Harry had a moment where he realized he'd said more than he intended to say, and quickly returned the phone back to the Queen.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore".
The irony of that enactment is that this patient has known from day 1 (which was 4 weeks ago), that he was in the program in part because he told school faculty that his mother hit him and left a bruise. This never came up in any of the assessments or traditional talk therapy groups. It was not until one day during a family session with our family therapist that his mother identified that Harry would not be here one day this week due to having to go to court. And then she explained why. After this disclosure, I used traditional talk therapy methods to try and allow the patient to verbalize his thoughts and feelings about it, and I was met with resistance EVERYDAY!
"No!"
"Nothing!"
"I don't know"
It was only through the enactment that he was able to not just acknowledge that it was happening, but to acknowledge why. And it required far less work on my part. I did not have to ask one, single question.
AMAZING!!!!!
And then he killed me.
Even MORE AMAZING!!!!!
Another one of them buried me in full honors. The others pilfered. They took my crown, my scepter and... the phone. They spoke to the General themselves. They did not need me anymore. After all, I was nothing more than a middleman with no real powers.
Someone revived me with her magic wand full of bubbles.
And he killed me again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
I wonder what he is killing in me. Is it my authority? Is it his mom?
When I have days like this I am always reminded of how much I love what I do! I felt energized by it. It could not have been more perfect. I got more out of that 45 minute enactment than I did out of the entire 4 weeks he has been in my program. Look what happens when you allow things to emerge. Look what happens when you just agree to remain present. To not strive. To not try. Just allow and accept. Allow and accept.
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